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Ever feel like you have been "Bullied"

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Jada28

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Tuesday, January 7th 2014, 1:43pm

Ever feel like you have been "Bullied"

I was reading a closed thread that was talking about how people can be really mean and troll people. I would like to share my story with all of you and I do not care if it gets closed. It should be addressed because "bullying" should not be tolerated regardless if this is just a game.

As a child I was really tiny and in school I would get picked on and isolated and it felt awful. I would go home crying a lot of days wondering what I did to the other kids that they hated me so much. I realize today that kids are just cruel and most grow up and get past this.

Just recently I had all these emotions come flooding back on this game and I was kind of overwhelmed. I play on Palenque Server and was in a "guild" for quite some time. Most of us in the guild were decently geared, ofc some better then others but we all, I felt just wanted to progress in the game. Well I loved being in that guild, I liked all the players and you get used to how each other plays and that definitely helps in instances. One person in the guild left and went to another guild and when she did I had no idea why and no one was saying anything. On Palenque there is a shortage of End Game Tanks and I think my guild had the best two. One of them had RL issues and did not play much anymore, the other, he is an awesome player and knows the game quite well. Our remaining Tank then left and went to this other guild to be with the one that left initially. Slowly all the other players also left, basically following the tank which I totally understand.

There were two of us left that decided it was time to go over to this guild as well and when my friend asked for him and I to be invited, he was told that he could but that I was not allowed in. Now all my guild was there and I was left out on my own. I could not understand what was happening. I spoke to the other guild leaders and was told they would not invite me for fear of upsetting the person that originally left our guild. I was like, what did I do to her?? I tried whispering her a thousand times and I tried whispering her BF the tank as well and neither one of them would talk to me. A lot of the others tried to find out for me as well what was going on. Eventually it all came down to that this girl just did not like me and that was it, it was nothing that I did. I felt awful and it hurt me really bad, I cried over this and had those same emotions that I felt as a little kid.

Palenque do not have a lot of players so at first I thought I would have to quit the game. If I could not run instances I could not play ROM. Then I was invited to another guild and I have decided that I cannot let this one girl with some insecurities bully me into quitting a game that I love to play. I will never understand some people and why they can be so cruel to others. I was trying so hard to find out what I did, I would of apologized, but she or her BF would not even talk to me to give me the opportunity to apologize. I guess I could not apologize for her not likeing me anyhow, but it would have been nice to be able to communicate and try to work this out, but these people would not even do that.

The jest of this whole post is for people to remember that the players are 'real' people that have feelings and to try and treat everyone with respect!!!

Thanks for reading and I will now end my therapy session :S

Pyper
Palenque
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flatblack

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Tuesday, January 7th 2014, 2:17pm

Sadly I've seen this situation countless times over the years on RoM. I have seen this same situation basically retire the top player in the game at the time on our server, the server suffered dearly for it as he was the ONLY tank able to run end-game at the time. The next closest was astronomically far behind him. In the end keep your head up and keep playing. This game is for fun and don't ever let anyone take that away from you. Our server has thrived & died multiple times, we're still here.

Working together as a server... not a guild, group, party etc.. is what we must do. You can't be selfish in a game like this. You hold and keep other players back eventually you'll be alone at the top... with no one or nothing. I'd rather have a few hundred people at the top with me. It benefits everyone, more runs, gear & stats become more readily available, you are able to experience the game as it was meant to be.
Aurora - Palenque
Tubesock - Making a come back... :beer:

Dkjester

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Tuesday, January 7th 2014, 3:36pm

This is one of the many reasons that my Girlfriend and I DONT join a guild. We have been asked many times "why do you bother to gear up, you cant run anything!", and stuff like must suck to not be wanted in a guild, etc. It is pretty bad that people see a need to trash talk other people and to act this way. We just came to the conclusion that between the two of us we can manage to still have fun and run some instances. Sure it wont ben the newest hard mode instances, etc. But with only two people, being able to do a number of bosses in Beth Normal was a good accomplishment for us. Sometimes it seems guilds are too much, you get these petty squabbles and petty b.s that happens.

In another game I had a guild that I will never find an equal to. Our guild leaders were the coolest down to earth guys and they ruled with an iron fist. Someone pulls something like what you describe and they told em they could go packing or shape up and deal. It took a long time for that attitude to catch on, but it is probably one of the most coveted guilds to be in because they wont let petty drama like that split up the guild and if someone wants to leave, it is only going to hurt them. I will never find another guild like that, so I don't even bother trying.

I experienced a lot of bullying as a kid myself. Being a smart kid has never been something that other kids treated well. I developed a thick skin at a VERY young age. That is why I can sit on the forums, tell people I think they are elitists and bullies with their actions. I think anyone who tries to be an internet big baddy, personally needs to get a life. That is what it sounds like this girl needs to do. She has to have some level of control over her BF and has to be able to manipulate the ones around her... which is just plain sad. She probably thought you hit on her bf......

Coffee hasn't hit me yet so if this seems about as organized as a bag of cats, sorry. Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. It is horrible how people act. There are tons of "elite" guilds also that seem to think that smashing those below them is fun, and talking down to them and toying with them. Simply put, humans can be pretty bad.... and over the internet where they are safe from harm... they are worse.

kakita01

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Tuesday, January 7th 2014, 4:23pm

why would someone report this thread/post?

Stupid, but anyways why not change servers? So many posters from palenque stating it is a dead server.

zidlef

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Tuesday, January 7th 2014, 4:36pm

Well we have those people too on Reni, they call Disturbed a scrub guild, loser etc. Yes i could run endgame stuff in an endgame guild. I get ask all the time to join a higher guild, the answer will always be NO. I love my guild and guildies, we respect each other and run what we can, currently trying to kill Annelia ;-) i hate teddy bears!!! lol I will run with mostly anyone on Reni, unless they make it a purpose to wipe the party to call me fail, i am the fail tank of RENI, why? because i take more time helping others!! running stuff for them and not only for myself, i have given away about 27K points of EOJ'S in stats to guildies to help them. I am geared and all, but i choose to help those who don't have the time or money to get it. It helps them, it helps the server.


Some people got ban or vacation time and point the finger at me on the server for it, just because i am outspoken, green and a wabbit doesn't mean i don't have feelings. Some think that the toons and people controlling them are just 11111000100101000111, we are not. GM'S do exist now, they take notice of what is said in world and chats, you have players reporting others for rudeness i am sure, but GM's are watching now!!!! :thumbup:

I will push back if they put me in a corner, i don't care who they are. X(

Trolling shouldn't be about marking somebody for slaughter and see how far you can go to hurt them, that is called BULLYING and should not be done or allowed. Trolling should be made in fun, friendly way for amusement of both parties involve, we do it all the time in guild chat and ventrilo. If someone takes it too far, we tell them to lower it down a notch.

Some people need to make other people feel like crap so they don't feel they as crappy themselves, sad people.

But Jada good post and for someone to report your post, means you hit the nail on it, lol, probably the same morons you were talking about :thumbsup:

K/P/S/M/W 98/98/98/98/98
Disturbed guild leader on mithras :thumbsup:
BTW i do live under a bridge, i am Green, i can dish it out as good as i get
There are no better server than Reni, best place to be!!!!!

Djed

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Tuesday, January 7th 2014, 6:32pm

Pyper,

There are better ways to use your time than dealing with people like that. there's always going to be some kind of disagreement or issue between people, but if the others aren't wiling to communicate then say eff it and move on because they're not worth it. I've notice that people in this game get their feelings hurt over nothing and will hold a grudge like a crackhead with a pipe. who knows why she won't talk to you and at this point you really shouldn't care. Have fun and if you want you should try out the Reni server.

vfwiffo

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Tuesday, January 7th 2014, 7:22pm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying

Quoted

Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively impose domination over others.


Ummm....
-- Rustyx --- 92R / 92S / 92M on Reni (Guild KnightShift). Yes, running the new FOTM R/M, cause I am not elf enough to be WD/S.

Oh, and people who have more than 3 classes are clinically insane.

ghostwolf82

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Tuesday, January 7th 2014, 7:29pm

Things like this are part of the reason I eventually left Palenque. I got tired of not being able to do anything because no one can work together on the server. It takes several guilds working together to run anything at all, and none of those guilds get along enough to actually do the instances. Too much bad attitude towards each other. I am now on Reni, where sure, there are those idio-tards who just can't play well with anyone, but for the most part everyone gets along. Things get ran, things get done. It's fun again for me, which I hadn't had since early chapter 3. I am even buying diamonds again (this is also in part to how much GF has stepped things up recently). I, like Zidlef, do things to help other people, including giving things away for free out of the Item Shop, just because someone needs something. I'm doing well financially right now, so I don't mind spreading the love :thumbup: lol. I have been helped a LOT in my move to Reni from Palenque, and am now able to give back to those who have helped me get to where I am, and will continue to do so. I wish more people would feel a sense of community with those they play with, it would make everyone's time spent in game a lot better. Pyper, I wish you the best, and I hope things turn around and you don't feel this way from anyone again. Don't let the ineptitude of a few bring you down! You were always nice every time I talked to you (I met you through Matt a couple times in game, and at one point I lived near him and I think you were only a short distance away as well, but my memory might be a bit fuzzy on that one lol).

Vanaelf

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Tuesday, January 7th 2014, 8:34pm

Pyper,
I really do not know why you decided to start this thread. There is a lot of non-truth in those comments. I do not see any bullying. A lot of guild members witnessed your drunken out bursts. If you have spoken to guild leaders and they say you are not wanted, just leave it and move on. You might want to explain the whole situation before posting in an open forum.

It would be best to just let things go, and let the issues dissipate.
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Jada28

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Tuesday, January 7th 2014, 9:15pm

Quoted from "Vanaelf"

Pyper,
I really do not know why you decided to start this thread. There is a lot of non-truth in those comments. I do not see any bullying. A lot of guild members witnessed your drunken out bursts. If you have spoken to guild leaders and they say you are not wanted, just leave it and move on. You might want to explain the whole situation before posting in an open forum.

It would be best to just let things go, and let the issues dissipate.

Oh my god Vana, I have a social glass of wine if I go out to dinner and that is the extent of my drinking. I have never had a drunken outburst. Yes I am a straight shooter and I speak my mind if I feel something is not fair. If that is what you mean. When I say something, everyone knows where I am coming from and has every opportunity to respond to me. If I am wrong in what I am saying I will most certainly apologize.

The isolation and not knowing what the heck I did to deserve to be excluded in such a way and to go to another guild and say god knows what about me to the point that I was not allowed to join is bullying. I was left out in the cold and to this day I have no idea why or what I said that caused this. I know you are friends with the people that did this to me, and you are trying to defend them. Yet, tell me why neither one of them have spoken to me about it or ever given me the opportunity to apologize if I said something out of line?

I am literally in shock right now, for you to say I have drunken outbursts is horrible and so untrue. Im sorry that you are involved in this whole mess. What I wrote in my post is all true and it is exactly how I feel. I have no reason to make up stories about anyone. I just wanted to explain in my thread how bullying affects people and the lack of communication is obviously an issue.

Pyper

I

Gothicbow

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Tuesday, January 7th 2014, 9:38pm

I'm sorry you have to experience this horrible feeling. If you do however changed your mind on server changed, go to Reni, VVV is looking for GIRLS.. LoL we have too many eeeppeeen. We need women to balance it. VVV respects women/love women/adores women/and loves to be controlled by women.. lol Guild leader is an example of that. He wants an azn wife!!! we laugh/we cry/we back each others back/and we call each other scrubs!!! But all seriousness, when we clear, we have the best Brainstorming strategy :). We do not try to burn, we think and use our brains and decide from there. Also, A+ for drunk woman.. We will definitely take advantage of that lol. Again, if you decided to change server, hit us UP.VVV loves drunk women(as long as they are hawt!!! jk!!!)
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Jguy

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Tuesday, January 7th 2014, 11:07pm

It's sort of sad to see this sort of thing but it's sadly commonplace now. There are always people everywhere who feel the need to increase their ego by putting down others. I've played on all servers (all but Reni rather casually) but I have always witnessed in every single server bullying over world chat. If that's teasing or joking, who knows, but every server seems to have one or two guilds who if their members speak over world chat they get belittled just because of the guild they're in. If that's justified or not, it's still rather uncalled for.

Sorry you had to go through this and I know exactly how you feel. It shouldn't happen to anyone.

northend

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Wednesday, January 8th 2014, 12:14am

roll a tank then you'll get all your friends back and can get as hammered as you want and no one can say shizz, worked out well for me.
Kossta

Borella

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Wednesday, January 8th 2014, 12:30am

Inb4 closed thread.
Borella - 100 W/M/S/R/P/K
VVV
If you play P/K in instances you're garbage

zidlef

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Wednesday, January 8th 2014, 12:58am

She is expressing the things that a lot of player are thinking and don't know where to voice it, she did it in a kindly matter, not naming names etc. :thumbup:

To those who have nothing better to say... I do not know Jada and what she does in her personal life, it's personal!!!!! We all come here to have fun and enjoy ourselves and when people bully or push people around, it's just plain sad.


It's a game, instead of being a mean Troll, try to be a nice Troll. If you are unhappy then go outside, meet people and try to make friends, it might help.


:growup:

K/P/S/M/W 98/98/98/98/98
Disturbed guild leader on mithras :thumbsup:
BTW i do live under a bridge, i am Green, i can dish it out as good as i get
There are no better server than Reni, best place to be!!!!!

Drakkarsdad

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Wednesday, January 8th 2014, 1:02am

Quoted from "vfwiffo"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying

Quoted

Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively impose domination over others.


Ummm....

sometimes wikipedia is not complete.

try this one from bullyfree.com: Indirect Bullying Behaviors
Social/Relational (a few examples)
Destroying and manipulating relationships (turning your best friend against you)
Destroying status within a peer group
Destroying reputations
Humiliation and embarrassment
Intimidation
Gossiping, spreading nasty and malicious rumors and lies about someone
Hurtful graffiti
Excluding someone from a group (social rejection or isolation)
Stealing boyfriends or girlfriends to hurt someone
Negative body language (facial expressions, turning your back to someone)
Threatening gestures, taunting, pestering, insulting remarks and gestures
Glares and dirty looks, nasty jokes, notes passed around, anonymous notes
Hate petitions (promising to hate someone)

Notice the one stating "excluding someone from a group....

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Wednesday, January 8th 2014, 1:06am

@Borella, this thread does not need to be closed as it does not violate any of the forum rules...


@ Everyone, anyone attempting purposely to violate the forum rules in order to get ANY thread closed may recieve an infraction and/or vacation.

Please keep it civil and on-topic...

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zidlef

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Wednesday, January 8th 2014, 1:12am

So lets all be mean and harsh to each other to see how long guilds will last?? or even the game. And in that definition all i see is bullying, well done just confirmed what everyone tought.

K/P/S/M/W 98/98/98/98/98
Disturbed guild leader on mithras :thumbsup:
BTW i do live under a bridge, i am Green, i can dish it out as good as i get
There are no better server than Reni, best place to be!!!!!

vfwiffo

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Wednesday, January 8th 2014, 3:06am

Quoted from "Drakkarsdad"

sometimes wikipedia is not complete.

try this one from bullyfree.com: Indirect Bullying Behaviors

...

Notice the one stating "excluding someone from a group....


Sure, wiki is not always a good reference, nor is quoting the first sentence of the page without rest of it gives you full picture. Nonetheless it is better than overly inclusive definition from what appears to be advocacy group, which includes tons of behavior that is perfectly acceptable.

And that behavior includes excluding people. Was there nobody that ever got kicked from guild? That was not welcome on a run? That your group didn't like or didn't want to associate with? Freedom of association is still freedom.
-- Rustyx --- 92R / 92S / 92M on Reni (Guild KnightShift). Yes, running the new FOTM R/M, cause I am not elf enough to be WD/S.

Oh, and people who have more than 3 classes are clinically insane.

This post has been edited 2 times, last edit by "vfwiffo" (Jan 8th 2014, 5:07am)

brenan24

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Wednesday, January 8th 2014, 3:56am

oh well, the fact that the other guild did not accept you means 1 thing, the problem is on your side, and since when leaving the guild became bullying lol. I'm not being judgmental here but come on this is a game, if you don't know how to deal with different types of people you'll forever be a loser, this is a game and don't expect others to think the same way you do, players come in different ages and nationalities. i can understand your sentiments here. i've seen so many world shouts and people crying foul . I consider you lucky enough in this game you're not from Artemis like I am where trolls and bullies are on every zone. It is not only important to know how to play your toon well, learn how to deal with players.

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