honestly, old MMO addage: if the healer dies, it's the tanks fault. tank should be out threating the healer. if the tank dies, it's the healer's fault. tank should always be healed. if the DPS dies, it's their own fault. DPS should be very conscious of how much threat the tank makes, and how much they're making, and tone it down to their tanks level. if you tank a boss in ToSH... well, stupid can't be healed. just go with damage stats, and avoid all damage that can be avoided, and you'll do GREAT. get higher recons when you can. learn to use unharmed and the threat reduction pots.
That adage is perfect for WoW. I remember when my best girlfriend and her husband started playing RoM with me- they were oldschool wowheads, she was the healer and he was a tank. They couldn't believe how much splash and AoE damage is in this game. The healer in particular kept saying... "I am so not used to having to heal more than the tank... what is wrong with this game???"
Now, I never was a wowhead myself, so I'm used to it. But there's plenty of times when as a dps, you die- and maybe it's the tanks fault cause he missed an add, maybe it's the healers fault cause he didn't gh fast enough, maybe it was my fault for standing too close to a mobs AoE range....
Things are a lot less concrete than that in RoM. If we could all depend on Ihoro's tanking skills to keep us safe, and all you had to do Abs was keep him up, and all we as dps had to do was concentrate on dpsing the boss and managing our aggro- while working out the boss strats- Annelia would be dead and ToSH would be cleared.
It's not like that though. We have LoS to deal with, we have massive AoE's to deal with... the combination is icky. Add in the lag and you have the massive issues we have. This game relies too strongly on AoE's for that adage to really work right.
I am all for difficult boss fights. I am all for having a team work together. I am all for all of those things. But what we have sometimes feels like a mess, especially when the tank dc's midfight and a mage tanks the boss successfully. That does happen sometimes, and I am not sure that that's a good thing either.
RoM is a lot less neat than WoW.