Runes of Magic US / AU

[LEFT] [FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]In 6 months, the conglomeration known as Frogster/Runewaker will release a brand spanking new expansion pack called Runes of Magic: Rise of the Frogster Lord! New skills, new quests, new instances, and most importantly of all, new cash shop items that actually work...(I think?). This will blow you away and will definitely make Aion and Darkfall fall to their knees and donate their subscriber base to Runes of Magic![/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT][FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]Story: [/FONT] [/LEFT]
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[LEFT] “[FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]In a far away place long ago, the demons plotted and plotted......and plotted.....still plotting to find a way to invade the beautiful world of Taborea and smite those goody-two-shoe wearing players once and for all. Suddenly a bright light dawned upon them and out came three men in black business suits with the Frogster logo emblazoned in green and gold. It was a marvelous sight, and together they plotted (2 weeks later) and plotted......”[/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT][FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]New Zones! New Monsters! New Quests![/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT] [FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]You heard me new zones, new monsters and new quests come to the land of Taborea. [/FONT] [/LEFT]
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[LEFT] [FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]Frogsterea – A land inhabited by the forces of evil, save the trapped closed beta testers enslaved by Frogster-like mobs. Fight in such instances as, Cash Shop Hell, the only instance where cash shop items are needed to advance! [/FONT] [/LEFT]
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[LEFT] [FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]A new epic quest line that leads you to beat the great Frogster King. With deadly skills that he never uses since the instances have traps that will boot your computer for you! He can be beat, only with the glow of your +6 Cash shop based items would make him go greener with envy.[/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT][FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]Now featuring a better loot system (Disclaimer: In development at the moment and may not be available at time of expansion release, but if you bribe us with more of your money we can suggest it)[/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT][FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]A plethora of new elite skills, here are some examples:[/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT] [FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]Knight Class Skill – Shiny Enhanced Armor: Blinds the enemies with the awesome brilliance of your shiny plate armor that they turn away from you and go after more less awesome members of your party. [/FONT] [/LEFT]
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[LEFT] [FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]Warrior Class Skill – Hasselhoff of Smiting: Every hit generates 100 pts of splash damage followed by the lyrics and sound effects to David Hasselhoff's hit single, “Hooked on a Feeling”. You can buy more Warrior “songs” in the cash shop. All proceeds go towards funding David Hasselhoff's massive hair-do.[/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT] [FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]Rogue Class Skill – Deaf Buff: A passive ability that allows the rogue to mute all whiners and complainers saying that they're overpowered.[/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT] [FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]Scout Class Skill – Whine Arrows: Arrows that whine through the air, sea, sky, developer's ears, before smacking said target with “Scouts got Nerfed!!!!1!1”[/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT] [FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif](Due to recent funding Mages and Priests have no new skills, but enjoy having Wind Knowledge fixed, sorry Fire Knowledge is being worked on because Hammy the Hamster ate the data tables and calculations.)[/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT][FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]New Items!![/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT] [FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]Enjoy new items that will heighten your player senses!![/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT] [FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]Chinese Translator – A pet that follows you around and translates quests in Chinese > English for you. (A limit of 10 – Cash Shop Only)[/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT] [FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]Frogster Costume – New costume that increases aggro 100% from mobs, players, npcs, because they just don't like you. (Event reward from Frogster King)[/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT] [FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]Bling Bling Chain - Gives you an experience boost of 30%, except that you'll be listening to rap music for the entire duration. [/FONT] [/LEFT]
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[LEFT][FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]New titles!![/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT] “[FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]Cash Shop Player” - Obtained from spending more than 200 dollars on Diamonds[/FONT][/LEFT]
[LEFT] “[FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]Ant Leecher” - Obtained when you get kicked from Ant Party for doing nothing[/FONT][/LEFT]
[LEFT] “[FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]I'm a Fake Tank!” - Obtained when you roll a Rogue/Knight[/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT][FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]New Game Engine![/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT] [FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]After acquiring the Unreal 3 Engine from Unreal Tournament 3, Frogster has brought to you improved graphics, featuring location-based damage, superb graphics, new bump maps and texturing, etc. Sorry this does not fix disconnecting, lag, or hackers, we just wanted to give you something flashy and nice! [/FONT] [/LEFT]
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[LEFT][FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]Testimonials[/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT] “[FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]Playing Runes of Magic has gave me a new motive to write another song dedicated to it. I'm gonna call it “Hooked on Cash Shop” ~ David Hasselhoff[/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT] “[FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]I left World of Warcraft, my wife, my kids, my dog, just to play this game cause they alienated me! Best damn decision of my life! Ohhh Ulrich will you marry me!” -Anonymous RoM Convert[/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT] “[FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]Thanks to the players and the publishers we can feed our family now” ~Runewaker testers[/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT]“[FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]OMG!!!1! ThiS gaMe is s000000 muchhhh phunnnn!!” -Daniel Ulrich, CEO of Frogster[/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT][FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]System Requirements[/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT] [FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]We view that the game should run on every system known to mankind and it'll run when it wants to run. If you have problems or complications with the game, it's just that God wasn't on your side when you downloaded it, but thanks for purchasing diamonds![/FONT][/LEFT]
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[LEFT][FONT=Tahoma, sans-serif]This satire was written by xtwilightseerx, syndreamer, and whatever other names I go by. This wasn't intended to defame, humiliate or incite massive riots within the community or the company itself. IT IS A WORK OF FICTION! ~me[/FONT][/LEFT]

Thanks for reading guys and the support and feedback!